Breakups are brutal. No matter how many you've been through or how many lessons you've learned, the pain never seems to get any easier. You might even find yourself feeling like a "professional" at heartbreak, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. I get it — I've been there, time and time again, and still find myself grappling with the occasional heartbreak. It’s one of those painful truths: the end of a relationship will always sting, even if you're used to it.
But here's the thing — healing after a breakup isn’t about avoiding the hurt. It’s about learning how to move through it, step by painful step, until you come out on the other side stronger.
The Pain of a Broken Heart
Heartbreak happens when trust is shattered, when someone you thought you would share forever with turns into a stranger. The person you once envisioned building memories with — raising kids, sharing milestones, growing old together — suddenly isn’t in your future. That empty space where they once stood is now filled with confusion, sadness, and grief. Whether it's the simple loss of someone you were close to, or the deep ache that comes from deception, misalignment, or betrayal, the pain feels raw.
For some of us, it might even be worse when there are kids involved. It’s not just the loss of a partner, but the shift in family dynamics that can feel even more overwhelming. The weight of the situation only grows when you factor in the shared responsibilities, or the thought of navigating parenthood alone. And then there's the societal pressure — what do others think? Do you want them to know you’re hurting?
The Process is Never Easy
I’ve never been married, but I imagine that going through the legal process of a divorce could amplify everything. It's not just the emotional anguish, but the legal and financial implications too. The idea of splitting assets, sharing custody, and figuring out what comes next is unimaginable for someone who hasn't gone through it. I can’t even imagine the overwhelming wave of grief and fear that might come with the weight of divorce.
And let's not even talk about mutual friends. It’s like adding salt to the wound. Not only are you grieving the person you thought you would spend your life with, but now you have to confront their presence in your shared social circles. Whether it’s seeing their face online, hearing about their new relationships, or being told what they’re up to by mutual friends, it’s a constant reminder that your lives have drifted apart. It feels impossible not to compare yourself to what they’re doing, even though it’s none of your business.
The First Few Days (And Weeks) Are the Hardest
The first hours, days, and weeks after a breakup are often the hardest. It’s when reality hits — you wake up alone in your bed, or sit in an empty house, and it’s overwhelming. The familiar texts, calls, and plans you once made together are now gone, leaving a vacuum. The silence is deafening, and it’s hard not to sink into it. There will be days when you question everything: “Was I not enough?” “Did they ever love me?” “Why did this happen?”
It’s okay to feel lost in those moments. It’s okay to cry and feel like you’re falling apart. You’re grieving. You’re mourning not just the loss of a person, but the life you envisioned with them. You might even find that healing is not linear. Sometimes, the pain will resurface months or even years later when you least expect it.
Healing Takes Time — And Support
The thing that helped me the most after every breakup was knowing that healing takes time. The scar may never fully disappear, but it can fade into something you can live with. It takes self-compassion, and it takes leaning into your community for support.
Don’t be afraid to reach out to friends, family, or even professional counselors. We need people to remind us that we are loved, that we matter, and that this pain is temporary, even if it feels like it will last forever. Build your community of people who lift you up. Let them remind you of your worth, because when you’re heartbroken, it’s hard to remember.
But it’s not just about talking. Healing also means finding activities and rituals that help you feel good again. Maybe it’s picking up an old hobby, starting a new workout routine, or diving into a good book. The goal is to reconnect with the things that bring you joy, even if it feels hard at first.
It's Not About "Getting Over It" — It's About Moving Forward
The truth is, you may never fully "get over" a breakup. You’ll never forget them entirely, and there might always be a part of you that misses what you had. But it’s not about erasing them from your life. It’s about learning how to move forward without them, knowing that you’re still capable of finding love, happiness, and peace.
As painful as it feels, this is also an opportunity for growth. Every relationship, every breakup, teaches you something new about yourself, what you want, and what you're willing to accept. Let the process take its course, and trust that time — and the support of your community — will heal the hurt.
And when you're ready, you’ll find that your heart can love again. But for now, be gentle with yourself. You’ve been through a lot, and it's okay to take it slow.
After all, this, too, shall pass.
xoxo,
Alejandra