Loving someone who battles addiction is a journey that can feel lonely, frustrating, and ultimately heartbreaking. It’s a helpless feeling, wanting them to see the light, to wake up, to realize how valued and loved they are. I’ve learned that, no matter how much love we pour into them, no matter how many resources or gentle nudges we offer, we can’t "love" someone into sobriety. That’s one of the hardest truths of loving an addict. It’s like trying to hold water in your hands—no matter how tightly you try to hold on, it slips through your fingers.
There’s no shortage of books, support groups, and methods designed to guide those of us who love someone with addiction, offering tips on how to support them without enabling, how to cope, how to set boundaries. Yet, it often feels futile because none of these things can make someone want to get better. Addiction is a powerful force, and until they find their own reason to fight, our efforts seem like whispers in the wind.
It’s especially hard to watch someone you love so deeply, someone who you see as beautiful and capable, sinking into a place where they can’t see their own worth. The helplessness of this experience is something I wouldn’t wish on anyone. When you love someone fighting addiction, it’s easy to feel like you’re drowning alongside them, pulled under by the relentless waves of their struggle.
There’s no single answer, no magic words to take away the pain of this helpless feeling. But if there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that we need to care for ourselves too. It’s hard to let go of the idea that our love alone can’t save them. But we can love them from a place that prioritizes our well-being too. We can show them kindness without sacrificing ourselves.
If you’re struggling, know that you’re not alone. Find your own support network, hold on to the small moments of peace, and give yourself permission to step back when you need to. You can still love someone without drowning in their pain, even if it’s the hardest thing you’ll ever do.
xoxo,
Alejandra