Back in 2013, I was in the thick of the early dating app era. Tinder was still relatively new, and I’d been messaging this guy for a couple of weeks. He finally asked me out, and while I’d picked up on some subtle hints that he was vain, I figured I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. Maybe he’d be different in person, right? Spoiler alert: he wasn’t.
Red Flags in the Chats
Before we even met, he’d make comments like, “We could make all the people jealous based on how good we look together.” He’d drop hints about how much he cared about appearances, both his and mine. It gave me the ick, but I chalked it up to nerves or playful banter—hoping that meeting him in person would shift my perspective.
The Big Day
We decided to meet at this cute local Thai restaurant. When he showed up, it was obvious he’d spent hours perfecting his outfit. The first thing he said to me? “Oh, you look nice! Do you like my fit?” Cue the internal cringe.
We sat down, looked over the menu, and started chatting. Things were mostly surface-level, a continuation of our Tinder conversations. When the waitress came over, I already knew what I wanted. I confidently ordered a soup and Pad See Ew with chicken. As I lowered my menu, I noticed his expression. He was looking at me...with utter disgust.
The Comment That Broke Me
He said, “Wow, you’re going to eat all of that?” Embarrassment washed over me. I stammered something about taking leftovers home and even offered to share a plate. He just widened his eyes and said no. Then he ordered his food. The menus went back to the waitress, he wasn’t done mocking me. He kept making comments about my order, asking if I usually ate that much and laughing under his breath. I felt so small, AND SO BIG.
The Bathroom Escape
I excused myself to go to the bathroom, mostly because I felt like crying. On my way there, the waitress stopped me. “The cooks and I can hear everything he’s saying. I am so sorry,” she said. I asked her to box up my food to go and bring his out first. I couldn’t sit there any longer.
The Walk-Out
I returned to the table, where he’d already started eating his meal. Of course, he didn’t wait for me. He continued talking about himself, oblivious to how humiliated I was. When the waitress brought out the to-go bag, I grabbed it, gathered my things, and left without saying a word.
I sat in my car, ate the Pad See Ew, and cried the entire way home.
The Aftermath
That experience stuck with me for a long time. Every time I’d go out to dinner with a new man, I’d brace myself for comments about what I ordered or how much I ate. It took years of reflection and self-compassion to work through the shame I felt that night. Looking back, I’m so proud of how far I’ve come since then.
Now, I know my worth. I deserve to eat what I want without judgment, and I’ll never tolerate that kind of treatment again. It’s amazing how a single bad date can become a defining moment, one that ultimately taught me what I will and won’t accept in my life.
To anyone who’s ever had a humiliating date like that, I see you. You’re not alone, and you deserve so much better. Eat the Pad See Ew, live your life.
XOXO,
ALE