The holidays are often painted as a time for warmth, celebration, and picture-perfect moments. But for many, this season is also filled with a deep sense of loss, difficult memories, or family complexities that make the celebrations bittersweet—or even painful. The pressure to have a "perfect" holiday is everywhere, especially on social media, where carefully curated posts can make us feel like we’re missing out on something essential.
For me, the holidays bring up some of the most painful memories from my childhood. These memories come back each year, and it’s a challenge to navigate the emotions they bring. After having my son, I made it a priority to reshape my experience of the season, creating new traditions and trying to make holidays feel more joyful. But now, holidays have taken on a new kind of complexity. Since his father and I split up when my son was just six months old, we share custody, meaning some holidays are spent without him. Each time, it brings a fresh wave of sadness and longing.
If you find yourself struggling through the holiday season, know you’re not alone. Here are a few things that have helped me find peace in what can be a challenging time of year.
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1. Let Go of Perfection and Embrace Authenticity
It’s easy to get caught up in the idea of a “perfect” holiday—one where everyone is smiling, connected, and happy. But life isn’t a holiday movie, and neither are the holidays themselves. Giving myself permission to accept the reality of my circumstances, emotions, and family dynamics has been liberating. Instead of striving for perfection, I focus on authenticity and doing what genuinely brings me peace, even if it doesn’t look like a holiday postcard.
2. Limit Social Media
Social media can amplify feelings of inadequacy, loss, or loneliness, especially when everyone seems to be posting their “best moments.” I’ve found that setting boundaries around my social media use during the holidays helps keep my mind and heart focused on my own reality, instead of feeling like I’m not measuring up to someone else’s. Take a break if you need to and remember that everyone is dealing with their own struggles—whether or not it’s visible online.
3. Create New Traditions
One of the most healing steps I’ve taken is creating new traditions with my son. Whether it’s baking cookies, picking out a new ornament each year, or having our own holiday movie night, these small rituals make the season feel special in a way that’s ours alone. New traditions help create new memories, helping to slowly reframe what the holiday season means.
4. Accept the Difficult Emotions
The holidays don’t erase the pain of what we’ve been through, and it’s okay to feel sadness, anger, or grief. Acknowledging and accepting these emotions instead of forcing myself to feel “jolly” has been transformative. Sitting with these feelings, journaling, or talking to someone I trust allows me to process and release them.
5. Prioritize Self-Care
Self-care is essential, especially during a time that brings up difficult memories and complex feelings. Whether it’s enjoying a quiet cup of tea, going for a walk, or finding a creative outlet, I prioritize moments that recharge me. Making space for myself helps me stay grounded, even when December feels heavy.
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The holidays can be a time of celebration, but they can also be a reminder of what we’ve lost, what we wish was different, or the hardships we are carrying. I’ve learned that it’s okay to feel the weight of these moments. By honoring my own feelings, staying close to the people who support me, and creating new traditions with my son, I’m finding my own way through this season—bit by bit, year by year.
If you’re also navigating the holidays with a heavy heart, give yourself the gift of gentleness. You’re not alone in these feelings, and your experience matters, just as it is.
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Alejandra