I still remember sitting in the family computer room, eyes glued to the shifting shapes and colors of the Windows 95 screensaver. I would pop on my headphones and press play on my favorite songs, drowning out everything around me. Linkin Park, Eminem, Evanescence—this wasn't just music to me. They were my emotional outlets, the soundtracks to my teenage angst. I’d listen with such intensity that it was almost euphoric, a powerful surge of anger and sadness all at once.
Looking back now, I realize just how safe that music made me feel. Back then, I felt misunderstood, like no one could grasp the depth of my feelings. I couldn’t fully explain why, but life felt so heavy, and the music I found became a lifeline. Pink and Avril Lavigne sang about struggles that resonated with me in a way that nothing else did. With headphones in, I felt free to let the songs echo my emotions, even though I had to keep the volume down to avoid getting in trouble for the “inappropriate” lyrics.
As a teenager, every challenge seemed huge, like the world might collapse from all my feelings. Now, as an adult, I’d give anything to have those “small” problems back. Those “small” moments that felt all-consuming back then seem almost innocent compared to the complexities of adult life. But at the time, those feelings were big. They were real.
That era, that music—it was my rebellion, my comfort, and my escape. It reminds me that every stage of life, no matter how messy or painful, shapes us. It’s good to remember that intense, misunderstood teenager, the one who was just beginning to grapple with emotions. That teenager taught me to channel my feelings and connect with music in a way that still comforts me today.
with so much love (and healed anger),
Alejandra <3