I can talk to anyone about anything—literally. Small talk? Got it. Deep conversations? My specialty. But nothing could have prepared me for the date that tested my conversational superpowers: the man who simply nodded his way through an entire evening.
It all started with promising texts. We had been messaging for days, exchanging witty banter, and he eventually invited me to dinner. Great! We coordinated plans, and I was genuinely looking forward to meeting him. But as soon as I arrived, things took an unexpected turn.
The restaurant had a two-hour wait. No problem—flexibility is key. We decided to walk four blocks to another spot. Perfect chance to chat, right? Wrong. Our "conversation" went like this:
Me: "How was your day?" Him: "Good."
Me: "What did you do?" Him: "Cleaned."
Me: "How was your week?" Him: "Ok."
At this point, I needed a drink. Desperately.
The next restaurant had a wait too, so I suggested heading to a nearby bar. Maybe he was just nervous and needed to loosen up. Nope. Two drinks later, he was still nodding, shrugging, and offering one-word responses. A statue had more personality.
We finally got a notification that our table was ready. Maybe dinner would spark some conversation? Instead, he ordered for himself without even asking what I wanted, handed the menu back to the waitress, and sat there like it was completely normal. I reclaimed my dignity (and the menu) to order my own food.
I have never scarfed down a meal so fast in my life. I just needed to escape. He remained silent. I finished, told him I was leaving, and made him walk me to my car. As I said goodbye, he didn’t offer any explanation, just a casual nod.
But wait—it gets better. When he got home, he texted: "Thanks for coming out tonight."
The audacity.
I shared this saga with friends, and here are their theories on why he may have been the human embodiment of a brick wall:
- He was nervous, smoked too much weed before the date, and became catatonically silent.
- My beauty was so breathtaking, he literally couldn’t form words.
- He desperately needed to poop, and speaking risked catastrophic consequences.
- He was actually on a date with the wrong person and couldn’t process it.
- He had recent mouth surgery and couldn’t move his jaw.
- He didn’t speak English, nor any other language.
- He couldn’t hear me at all.
- He was an alien, disguised as a human, and he was on a secret mission.
Whatever the reason, I left wondering: how does someone like that navigate life? Does he have friends? A job? Conversations?
Moral of the story: If you're going to ghost me, do it with words. Preferably before I finish my appetizer.
xoxo,
Alejandra